So...

[oceana]

I'm still in the middle of rewatching season 4 (I got waylaid by fic this week, otherwise I'd have caught up already). Rewatching "Sex and Violence (the siren episode) after I've seen When the Levee breaks?

Oh boy.

I didn't compare them side by side, but the scene of the boys fighting under the sirens influence seemed to familiar. Too familiar. And when Sam through Dean through that paravent thing, I knew why I recognized the fight - because it's the same one they are having in When the Levee breaks. It's quite obvious that their fight wasn't just caused by the siren - they are saying the things they really feel, though they wouldn't have said them without the siren's influence. They wouldn't have hurt each other without the siren's influence.

But, half a year, maybe only a few months later, they are doing exactly that, and there's no siren anywhere near. Nothing else, either, just Dean and Sam, who - admittedly - is under the influence of demon blood, but still. And that fight in When the Levee breaks hurt me so much, seeing them go at each other like that, hurting each other like that... I had forgotten that that's what they'd been doing all season. Not forgotten exactly, just denied it. Like when I first watched Sex and Violence, and yes, of course, they had issues, so they hit each other, and it wasn't all the siren, but still, just issues. They can work it out.

Well, looks like they could work it out after all - just not without raising Lucifer.

Anyway, now that I cannot deny what was really going on this season anymore, I hurt all the more for them. I don't know how they are going to mend it. I have no doubt that Dean forgives Sam, that he is just happy to have him back, but there's forgiveness and then there are issues, and I think when your little brothers raises Lucifer, you can forgive him all you want, you'll still have to clean up his mess.

Oh, Winchesters. You broke my heart and then you tore it to pieces and then you stomped it and pierced it and, well I'm sure there's salting and burning somewhere in the near future.

Other than that, I didn't think the finale was all that exiting. actually, it was rather anticlimatic (okay, except for the raising Lucifer, but then, they already opened the gates to hell once, so raising Lucifer wasn't all that surprising.

I know that they needed some time to set the scenes with the angels up, but putting Dean into a room like that made it rather obvious that they had no idea what to do with him (when he could have been having hot angel sex with Castiel! Why didn't they think of that?)

I loved the Castiel-part of the story - him disobeying god for Dean, a fangirl dream come true at last. I'm really looking forward to see how his story goes on after that, but it all pales in comparison to the baggage Sam and Dean are carrying into the next season.

Ruby being the bad guy was a given - and to be honest, I'm really really glad that she's gone. She is gone, right? At least that incarnation of her? I'm sorry, but she was getting a bit annoying being all over Sam all the time. You just can't convincingly pretend to be a good little demon and feed your boyfriend with your blood at the same time. On the there hand, if she comes back as the bad guy, and there really isn't much choice now, I'd like to see her stick around. If only because it would torture Sam a little. I don't even want to know what he feels like, what he felt for Ruby. I think I need to find myself some fic.

Yes, so, loved the overall story, didn't think the execution of the last part was that great. No wait, it was great and I loved it, I just loved the so many other episodes from season 4 more that it would have been a real surprise of the finale had been even better.

God, I can't believe the season is over! What are we going to do???
*g*



To sum it up: SPN is my happy place. Only, not so happy. The no-so-happy happy place. I have nothing but love for the show.