(no subject)

I had a headache, and took the evening off. I thought I could go home, read some smut and got to bed early.
Instead I had to read things like this:


As soon as Jack came that was it, Jonas flooded his mouth as Daniel flooded his ass, both of them crying out Jack's name.


or


I hadn't worn a condom and I'd come inside of her, what, nine times?

Congratulations, Daniel, that must be some kind of world record. Have you been playing with Jack's Viagra again?

Okay, I know I shouldn't complain, I can't write at all, but please:

If you don't know how to write a good sex scene, stay with the PG rated stuff!
AND
If you have obviously never seen a naked man other than the picture of Adam Clayton on "Achtung Baby":
Do not write sex scenes at all!
AND
If you absolutely want to ignore canon in your characterization of the main characters, mark your fic AU.
Give me a chance to avoid it.


I just wanted to find some decent fic that I hadn't read before. No such thing seems to exist on Area52.

Poor Girl!

Apparently, for slashers there are three ways to write Sam:

1) Sam is bitch. She wants Jack all for herself, threatens and blackmails Daniel, and tries to reveal the relationship between Jack and Daniel. Bitch-Sam often ends up killing herself or getting killed on a mission.

2) Sam is an angel. She knows that Jack and Daniel are made for each other before they know it themselves, she does everything to make them become a couple, she is sooo happy for them when they finally get together. Angel-Sam often ends up with Janet.

3) Sam is not. She is probably MIA, or with the Tok'Ra to visit her father for three weeks (or however long it takes for Jack and Daniel to get together. We don't know exactly, because Sam is not in the story. If she is very lucky, she is mentioned once or twice. ("While Teal'C was busy doing Kel'NoReem and Carter was in her lab working an the naquada reactor (seems to be a millenium project), Jack and Daniel were having hot, sticky sex in General Hammond's office.") Not-Sam often ends up with Teal'C. ("Jack and Daniel lived happily ever after, and Sam and Teal'C also fell in love. The End.")