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Here I was, sitting in my little appartment, innocently realizing that I was a) all alone, and b) my parents don't have access to this computer (and never will have).
Not any kind of porn, of course.
No, I wanted to download gay porn.
*enters gay porn into emule search thingy*
Top hit: Nice teen gangbang (anal dp fist porn pr0n, rape pre teen forced cunt sex lesbian gay)
*reads again*
Nope, it still says pr0n. It also says "Nice Teen Gangbang", so it's safe to say that this is not what I'm looking for.
Second hit:
7 hot babes big tits blondes pussy cunt dick cum milf sexy pedo gay boobs slut
Uh.
Didn't I say gay? And do I really want to know what milf is?
No, I don't.
After quickly scanning the rest of the list, I decided that I needed help. So I went looking for porn recommendations sites. I figured, if people rec slash, they's rec gay porn too.
And I was right:
Minotaurs Recs
Other Recs
Quotes:
These sex hungry nocturnes break the night silence on their savage quest for unsuspecting victims.
Well, I watched Angel, so I guess I've seen enough of that.
Hot newcomer Greg Ross is a gay cop with a problem. His 'straight' partners
like to take advantage of the young men they pull over on their beat. Greg takes
the matter to this captain, only to end up in a wild three way with this partner
and his superior.
Well, I've watched Sentinel... *g*
Ryan Idol captains a submarine trying to keep the peace during a peace
conference. lade Thompson is the REAL star, working Domino's throat mercilessly
and pounding Rick Lee into the ass-tight, I mean, water-tight bulkheads!Ryan
Idol,
No, just no. Even if it does remind me of that Stargate episode with the russians and Daniel and Paul.
Chad Knight and ten of his hairy, masculine logger buddies in this sweaty tale
of murder, mystery and ballbusting outdoor mansex!
That actually does sound like a lot of fun. Just not the erotic kind. And hairy? Uhm, no, thanks.
Raw sex, hot guys, really ugly hairdos.
*listens up*
MacGyver porn? *g*
Max Grand's plane gets shot down in enemy territory. How does he survive? The
huge surprise weapon he has straining to get out of his flight suit always helps
in making new friends.
*rotfl*
Please tell me I didn't just read this? Well, the air force pilot part seems nice, but it sounds like too much non-con for my taste. Well, for my innocent gay porn taste, we all know that I'm quite kinky when it comes to slash.
I finally settled for "A Body to Die for": When detective Mann, as down-and-dirty as a good dick can get, tries to solve
a hard case of a prematurely missing stiff at a gay mystery weekend, he uncovers
layers of libido-driven intimate relations and dangerous liaisons.
There sort of seems to be a plot, even if it only serves to get them to have sex. Well, I can't expect too much, it's porn after all.
I wish I could tell if the movie fulfilled my expectations (not that I have much of an expectation after these reviews). Sadly, I can't. People either don't like to share their gay porn with me, or no one watches it. In any case, the emule download takes ages. I will report back to you when it's finished.
But I wasn't done yet. After realizing that downloading "real" gay porn is harder than I thought (this theme just lends itself to bad puns, sorry), I went back to my emule search again. I was curious.
Obviously, I didn't enter the right keywords, for I all I was coming up with were results like the ones mentioned above.
I just had to find the right ones, and a gay porn heaven would open for me.
So, thinking about slash, I thought I should try first times.
*enters first time gay sex into emule search thingy*
Well, this looks a bit more reasonable. I chose a random file of about 80 MB, then, when the download didn't start after a minute (I'm not very patient), I chose another, and then another.
And then I waited. And watched.
Okay, boys. Well, a bit too much boy for my taste, but whatever. Guess I'm not really the audiene this was made for.
Touching.
Touching is good.
Kissing. Okay, this is nice, but they do better on QAF.
The camera is kind of sickening too. (we are talking amateur porn here. very amateur)
Huh? What did I miss? What's he doing on his knees all of a sudden? In the stairway of all places?
Okay, penis. Blow-job.
"I have never done this before." followed by an innocent look and a rather professional swallowing of afore-mentioned penis.
Boy, I don't know what you've been practising on, but unless you really like your bananas, that doesn't look like a first time to me.
*blows, blows, blows*
Okay, fine, get on with it please. At least jerk yourself off or something, or try to be enthusiastic.
Oh, they move on. Appartment. Living room. Couch. Undressing.
Well, the floor seems to be cold, and these socks sure need a washing.
More blowing.
Nipples! Nipples are good. Maybe this will get interesting after all.
First time guy is kneeling know. Okay, I know that, one finger, two finger, three fingers, right? Kisses along the spine. Caressing hands. Read it a thousand times.
Uh, no. Guess I was wrong.
Where did the condom come from? Well, at least they have safe sex.
Houston, we've reached target. Gee, that was fast. And boring.
Okay, they are fucking now.
*is a bit worried that she still isn't turned on*
*fuck, fuck, fuck*
Oceana yawns.
Change of position.
Wow, balls sure look stupid from that POV, dangling like a pair of old bags.
*fuck, fuck, fuck*
Don't these people make noises? What about panting? No? Guess not.
Okay, I think the bottom is about to come. They zoom in on his penis. Not that we see much of it, with all the jerking and frantic hand movements.
Yep, here he comes.
Huh.
Right. Let's move on.
*fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck*
He pulls out? Why the hell? Oh, comeshot, of course. I heard about those.
Okay, if I were the bottom and had to stand bend down like that, I would have protested by now. Guess that guy isn't as pushy, he waits patiently.
So do I.
*top guy jerks off*
*jerks off some more*
*still jerks off*
Oceana considers getting herself a bowl of Oreo cereal inbetween, but then decides against it.
Look, there he is.
*drip*
Ooookaaay.
Uhm, I've seen, uhm, more impressive performances.
Cut.
Yup, that was it, my first gay porn. Quite an experience. Not a very exciting one though.
What is it with the pulling out? Do people really want to see that? And doesn't it take the fun out of things? It sure looked like it.
Also, foreplay. Ever heard of it?
Let me tell you, even bad slash stories are are sexier than that. I don't think I'll be downloading that kinf of thing again.
One fun fact about downloading gay porn though? My download rates spiked up like crazy. Emule gives you credits: the more you share, the faster you can download yourself. And once I started the porn downloads, no one wanted my music anymore.
Huh.
So I guess there are people who like that kind of stuff.
The world is a strange place.
Not any kind of porn, of course.
No, I wanted to download gay porn.
*enters gay porn into emule search thingy*
Top hit: Nice teen gangbang (anal dp fist porn pr0n, rape pre teen forced cunt sex lesbian gay)
*reads again*
Nope, it still says pr0n. It also says "Nice Teen Gangbang", so it's safe to say that this is not what I'm looking for.
Second hit:
7 hot babes big tits blondes pussy cunt dick cum milf sexy pedo gay boobs slut
Uh.
Didn't I say gay? And do I really want to know what milf is?
No, I don't.
After quickly scanning the rest of the list, I decided that I needed help. So I went looking for porn recommendations sites. I figured, if people rec slash, they's rec gay porn too.
And I was right:
Minotaurs Recs
Other Recs
Quotes:
These sex hungry nocturnes break the night silence on their savage quest for unsuspecting victims.
Well, I watched Angel, so I guess I've seen enough of that.
Hot newcomer Greg Ross is a gay cop with a problem. His 'straight' partners
like to take advantage of the young men they pull over on their beat. Greg takes
the matter to this captain, only to end up in a wild three way with this partner
and his superior.
Well, I've watched Sentinel... *g*
Ryan Idol captains a submarine trying to keep the peace during a peace
conference. lade Thompson is the REAL star, working Domino's throat mercilessly
and pounding Rick Lee into the ass-tight, I mean, water-tight bulkheads!Ryan
Idol,
No, just no. Even if it does remind me of that Stargate episode with the russians and Daniel and Paul.
Chad Knight and ten of his hairy, masculine logger buddies in this sweaty tale
of murder, mystery and ballbusting outdoor mansex!
That actually does sound like a lot of fun. Just not the erotic kind. And hairy? Uhm, no, thanks.
Raw sex, hot guys, really ugly hairdos.
*listens up*
MacGyver porn? *g*
Max Grand's plane gets shot down in enemy territory. How does he survive? The
huge surprise weapon he has straining to get out of his flight suit always helps
in making new friends.
*rotfl*
Please tell me I didn't just read this? Well, the air force pilot part seems nice, but it sounds like too much non-con for my taste. Well, for my innocent gay porn taste, we all know that I'm quite kinky when it comes to slash.
I finally settled for "A Body to Die for": When detective Mann, as down-and-dirty as a good dick can get, tries to solve
a hard case of a prematurely missing stiff at a gay mystery weekend, he uncovers
layers of libido-driven intimate relations and dangerous liaisons.
There sort of seems to be a plot, even if it only serves to get them to have sex. Well, I can't expect too much, it's porn after all.
I wish I could tell if the movie fulfilled my expectations (not that I have much of an expectation after these reviews). Sadly, I can't. People either don't like to share their gay porn with me, or no one watches it. In any case, the emule download takes ages. I will report back to you when it's finished.
But I wasn't done yet. After realizing that downloading "real" gay porn is harder than I thought (this theme just lends itself to bad puns, sorry), I went back to my emule search again. I was curious.
Obviously, I didn't enter the right keywords, for I all I was coming up with were results like the ones mentioned above.
I just had to find the right ones, and a gay porn heaven would open for me.
So, thinking about slash, I thought I should try first times.
*enters first time gay sex into emule search thingy*
Well, this looks a bit more reasonable. I chose a random file of about 80 MB, then, when the download didn't start after a minute (I'm not very patient), I chose another, and then another.
And then I waited. And watched.
Okay, boys. Well, a bit too much boy for my taste, but whatever. Guess I'm not really the audiene this was made for.
Touching.
Touching is good.
Kissing. Okay, this is nice, but they do better on QAF.
The camera is kind of sickening too. (we are talking amateur porn here. very amateur)
Huh? What did I miss? What's he doing on his knees all of a sudden? In the stairway of all places?
Okay, penis. Blow-job.
"I have never done this before." followed by an innocent look and a rather professional swallowing of afore-mentioned penis.
Boy, I don't know what you've been practising on, but unless you really like your bananas, that doesn't look like a first time to me.
*blows, blows, blows*
Okay, fine, get on with it please. At least jerk yourself off or something, or try to be enthusiastic.
Oh, they move on. Appartment. Living room. Couch. Undressing.
Well, the floor seems to be cold, and these socks sure need a washing.
More blowing.
Nipples! Nipples are good. Maybe this will get interesting after all.
First time guy is kneeling know. Okay, I know that, one finger, two finger, three fingers, right? Kisses along the spine. Caressing hands. Read it a thousand times.
Uh, no. Guess I was wrong.
Where did the condom come from? Well, at least they have safe sex.
Houston, we've reached target. Gee, that was fast. And boring.
Okay, they are fucking now.
*is a bit worried that she still isn't turned on*
*fuck, fuck, fuck*
Oceana yawns.
Change of position.
Wow, balls sure look stupid from that POV, dangling like a pair of old bags.
*fuck, fuck, fuck*
Don't these people make noises? What about panting? No? Guess not.
Okay, I think the bottom is about to come. They zoom in on his penis. Not that we see much of it, with all the jerking and frantic hand movements.
Yep, here he comes.
Huh.
Right. Let's move on.
*fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck*
He pulls out? Why the hell? Oh, comeshot, of course. I heard about those.
Okay, if I were the bottom and had to stand bend down like that, I would have protested by now. Guess that guy isn't as pushy, he waits patiently.
So do I.
*top guy jerks off*
*jerks off some more*
*still jerks off*
Oceana considers getting herself a bowl of Oreo cereal inbetween, but then decides against it.
Look, there he is.
*drip*
Ooookaaay.
Uhm, I've seen, uhm, more impressive performances.
Cut.
Yup, that was it, my first gay porn. Quite an experience. Not a very exciting one though.
What is it with the pulling out? Do people really want to see that? And doesn't it take the fun out of things? It sure looked like it.
Also, foreplay. Ever heard of it?
Let me tell you, even bad slash stories are are sexier than that. I don't think I'll be downloading that kinf of thing again.
One fun fact about downloading gay porn though? My download rates spiked up like crazy. Emule gives you credits: the more you share, the faster you can download yourself. And once I started the porn downloads, no one wanted my music anymore.
Huh.
So I guess there are people who like that kind of stuff.
The world is a strange place.
