oceana: (Default)
( Mar. 19th, 2010 10:29 am)
I know, I said I was going to watch Riptide after I finished JAG, but
then I didn't. After ten seasons of JAG, I just couldn't seem to focus
on another show. So I decided to give some of the unwatched (and
sometimes unopened) movies on my shelves a try.

Here's what I've watched so far:

An Officer and a Gentlemen
It's Richard Gere, and he wears navy whites and he suffers a lot.
What's not to love?
Actually, I had seen this movie before, but it was just as good as I
remembered. Seriously, I like it. I just never got the love story
part, but that's because I'm a closet non-romantic.

Top Gun
Okay, of course I had seen Top Gun before. Everyone has seen Top Gun.
But, well, after ten seasons of JAG, I was in desperate need for more
testosterone-driven pilots, tomcats and carrier-landings. So, Top Gun
it was.

*pauses and tries to think of something good to say about the movie*

Well, I really enjoyed the scene where they are all playing volleyball
on the beach without their shirts on. I may have, uhm , paused and
repeated a coupld of times.

And the music is good.

Other than that, there are times when I think "hmm, Tom Cruise was
maybe a little cute back then", but then he stands up and is really
really small, and how come he ended up such a complete idiot anyway?
In my defense, I never was a Tom Cruise fan (that would have been my
friend who made me watch all these movies back in the 80s and early

There's also the sad truth that even though Top Gun is a full movie,
the flying scenes and the whole set-up seems amateurish compared to an
average episode of JAG, which makes me wonder how their budgets
compared. I think Top Gun had a real low budget, but was sponsored by
the DoD? Is that true? Wow, I bet they are kicking their asses right
now for having sponsored the crazy little guy who married Katie

A Few Good Men
(I'm beginning to sense a theme...)

This is supposed to be a real good movie, but it isn't. In fact, it
sucks, badly. Tom Cruise is the worst excuse for a lawyer I have ever
seen, and since I'm a lawyer myself, I think I have the authority to
say that. Demi Moore is... uhm, what exactly is she doing there?
There's also another guy, but we don't know what he's doing either.
Oh, right, he's there so Tom Cruise doesn't get to be alone with Demi
too much, and boy, am I ever glad about that.

The story isn't bad as such, but even Jack Nicholson couldn't convince
me as the badass Colonel. If he really were such a badass marine,
surely he wouldn't have let himself be tricked by the crazy little guy
who married Katie Holmes? And he wouldn't have, but that's what the
script asked him to do, and that's why he was so utterly unconvicing
when he did.

Also, as a lawyer, albeit not a trial lawyer, I can honestly say that
law doesn't work that way. It certainly doesn't involve blackbords
with ludicrous notes scribbled on them. I mean, blackbords are fine,
blackbords can be helpful. I have one in my office right here and I
use it for structure charts. But those notes were just a really sad
sign of an unsupervised art department. I hope the people resonsible
got fired.

Did I mention that Tom Cruise sucks as a lawyer?

The funny thing is that I remember watching the movie before and
liking it well enough. I also saw it on stage in London a while ago,
which wasn't too bad either.

*throws dvd to 'to sell' pile*

Now, I totally have an excuse for this one.

See, a while ago, I was watching Cobra, a short-lived, early-nineties
tv show staring Michael Dudikoff in a classic red ac cobra. It's a fun
show, cheesy, but not really bad.
So, as I said, I was watching Cobra, and completely innocently I
though "hey, I wonder what that Dudikoff-guy has been doing these last

So I checked the internet.

And found out that he has been in a lot of low-budget action movies.
Hey, I thought. I like action movies. And low budget doesn't mean they
have to be bad!
(you can tell that I was already excusing my actions back then. I
should have listened to the nagging voice in my head that told me that
there is really no excuse for owning movies that star Michael

So I happily went over to ebay and bought myself "Quicksand",
Dudikoff's latest movie. He plays a military psychologist, and, as you
might be able to deduce from the above, I have this thing for men in
uniform, so I felt like I had made a really good choice.


I have no words for how bad this movie is. Seriously, no words. I
watched the first twenty minutes going "Really? Someone wrote THAT
line?" and "Seriously? THAT's what they are doing?" THAT's your
setting??? Seriously?" and "...." and then I turned it off.

There are no words.

And the fact that everyone is constantly out of uniform, and not in
the fun, naked way, is really not the worst part about this movie.

Wikipedia helpfully provides that "Dudikoff hasn't made a film
appearance since that film" and that's probably for the better.
I do feel sorry for him, though. He seems like such a nice guy.

*throws dvd to 'to sell' pile, then thinks better of it and throws it away*

Next, I will watch "Taking Chance" with Kevin Bacon. Told you I have a
really weird collection of movies. One day I'll post a list so you can
all point and laugh. ;-)

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